Mid year update because why not

 Bloody hell, sorry haven't updated for a wee while and there is so much to catch up on! 

I did a slightly different year in review last year, based all around boys - a bit weird but they did play a large part of my life and at the end of 2021 I made a commitment to myself to 'not focus on getting a boyfriend for next year'.  I literally never write new year resolutions but this year I did - I decided to write in my journal (that the lovely Emily got for me a year ago), read more books, gym 3 times a week, do more bike packing, cycle up Rapaki without throwing up, take more vitamins and probiotics, spend less time on my phone, do macrame, investigate setting up a community shed and get out more.  It's safe to say that some of these I haven't achieved, but most of them I have done - go me!

I spent Christmas at Amy and Colin's, with a very preggo Amy so it was a lovely relaxed one.  We had egg nog, a huge lunch and spent the afternoon on the beach. I then headed down to Christchurch where I felt pretty miserable with no NYE plans, but Emily came to the rescue and I ended up having one of the nicest evenings in a while - we had dinner at her house and deep and meaningfuls with her flatmate, before continuing the convos the next day at Camp Bay - getting there early to beat the crowds, breakfasting on the beach with a camp stove and swimming when it got too hot. It was absolute bliss and in my opinion the best possible way to spend new years day.  

After that I packed up and headed off to Tekapo to meet Shan and Gina where we were going to do the Alps2Ocean cycle trail.  A five day bike ride from Tekapo to Oamaru, I (in advance) decided to only do 3 days because I know I have a silly tendency to sign myself up for things I haven't trained for and suffer through as a result. I needn't have worried - the 3 days were easy (turns out riding my bike every day to work has done wonders for my bum) and I sorely regretted not continuing - silly me! It was an epic introduction to bikepacking and more enjoyable than my previous foray (the Timber Trail - which I definitely was not bike fit for!) and I committed to doing more this year. 

I drove back very excited - because in the process of deleting all the dating apps from my phone (remember - no more boys for this year....), I had received a nice message from a dude who looked OK and had a cat picture in his profile.  We had struck up conversation and I had told him I was about to delete the app, we swapped numbers and talked nonstop for two weeks.  It was magical but I was wary - he'd just come out of a 13 year relationship, and I've spoken to people before for weeks and liked them but the actual real life version of them was disappointing.  But - we agreed to meet anyway - nothing to lose right? And so began a whirlwind three month relationship which started with an epic five day date - a day on the beach, dinner, exceptional sunburn on his behalf, a bike ride, hanging out at eachother's houses and a weekend away camping and 4wd where I got his car stuck in a river and flooded it and some little drunk kids tried to jump into our roof top tent whilst we were sleeping. It was SO MUCH FUN and we got on brilliantly and really fancied each other and had loads and loads to talk about and loads in common. 

Sadly it was too good to be true - we had some amazing times including my first packrafting experience where I nearly died (well not really but I could have),  lots of mountain biking, a long weekend road trip down to the Catlins, a hiking camping trip - we even went to a rave, but ultimately he wasn't ready for a relationship.  I was totally and utterly gutted and to be honest it really did a number on me the past few months, sending me into a spiral of 'what's wrong with me'.  The logical part of me understands it's not me  - it's him and the timing, the emotional and irrational part of me is utterly devastated as he honestly appeared to be the best thing since sliced bread and I have not felt that way about someone in a very long time - it was pure magic.  I trusted him implicitly, felt like I had known him for years, and my heart would bloom when I saw him.  Part of me hopes that in time when he's ready maybe we could pick things up again - it seems like such a waste of a connection - but I know I can't hold out for that, so I'll just keep doing me and my life and not seek anything out from him and if it happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't. 

I've done some pretty cool adventures this year - I did another bikepacking trip with Sam, Dan, Emily, Shan and Gina - we did the West Coast Wilderness Trail which I think is MUCH better than Alps2Ocean - the scenery changes heaps and it's got some incredible sections and is just beautiful.  It was such a fun trip - it happened to be Dan's bithday too, so we all wore party hats for the journey and got lots of toots from passing motorists.  We stayed in a bach on Lake Kaniere, had a huge shared dinner and Dan used his birthday priveleges to get us to perform a skit for him - genius idea to be honest. It was very random but very funny and part of me wishes it was on video (the other part is exceptionally glad it isn't!)

I hiked up to Lake Angelus hut for the second time with Em, Colin, Nancy, her friend, Jo and Steph and Si. It made me wonder why anyone hikes when you can bike!! 

I've done HEAPS of mountain biking.  It's so easy to do here in Christchurch - there's tracks a 10 minute ride from my front door, and a bike park, and nearly all my friends bike in some capacity, so it made sense to get into it. What began as a 'I'm too scared to go over cattlestops and I'm going to puke cycling up Rapaki' has turned into 'how do I learn to jump and do drops and what other hills can I go up'. Its amazing the change I have seen in myself - don't get me wrong I am still terrified, but stuff that used to scare me such as a cattlestop or a big hill I now revel in, and I've noticed so much improvement - it's really satisfying. I even spent $2500 on a full sus bike - something only two months before I vowed I would never do.  I love her so much, she's called Molly because she makes me high!! I've even bought a pass for the bikepark  - and it's helped me make more friends too. I'm actually slightly worried about not being able to bike when I go back to the UK - it's become somewhat of a crutch for my mental health as it fills all the buckets - it's social, exercise, adrenaline, and it's outside.  And it's so easy to do - as I said tracks from my front door, or I can drive to the mountains for heaps more tracks, and all you need is a bike!

Speaking of mountains - I also had a Hutt pass this year, so have been going snowboarding a wee bit, and finally finally finally cracked the whole heel toe thing and did an entire run heel toe without falling splat. Yay!! Snowboarding is really fun when you're not falling over and hurting yourself every 2seconds.  I just really hope I remember how to do it when I'm back in September.

Dan and I headed to Great Barrier Island for a long weekend to hang out with Lu, Matt and their new baby Iluka on their boat.  It was pretty magical - Lu worked some magic in the kitchen and even got the Gods to put on an incredible bioluminescence and meteor display - wicked! Boat life however is not for me - you have to be so prepared and forward thinking!!! I love having friends like Lu though tho prove that you don't need a house and a 9-5 rat race job - it's very awe inspiring. 

For Easter this year I was in the midst of heartbreak induced depression, but headed away with Emily and two of her friends to Wanaka. I wasn't the best company, but overall we did have a great time - it was a very active weekend with 2 40k bike rides and a 13k hike up Isthmus Peak.  For the biking we did the Lake Dunstan Trail which was a bucket list tick - though actually I found it a bit dull as the scenery doesn't change very much despite it being very beautiful, and the most magical ride of all along the lake to Albert Town and then the Deans Bush track.  It was a really fun flow track with rollable features and parts were covered in golden autumn leaves, it was like cycling through Narnia and absolutely stunning. 

A few months ago I begrudgingly partook in TWALK - a 24 hour orienteering race.  I was accidentally signed up, then the girl who signed me up didn't even do it because she got Covid, and I went into it with a really bad attitude. I even felt slightly anxious about it and felt like I used to feel like on school trips I didn't really want to go on - it was a weird feeling to feel something that used to happen very frequently when I was a child but I haven't felt in years.  Anyway it ended up not being as bad as I thought - it's a 5 section race held over 24 hours and you can do as many of as few of the portions as you want. I ended up doing 2 sections, from 11am to about 10pm before heading to bed.  Gina and Emma did the next two sections till 4am and Ben, Will and Shandog did all five, staying up for the full 24 hours. Madness.  It was quite fun doing the portions in the dark and navigating using head torches, and it was eye opening to me how mental exercise can be - I was steaming up hills that in the daylight I would be very slow up, mostly because my eyes would be able to see how steep it is and my brain would automatically switch to 'I can't do this'.  Actually that's something my therapist has said I need to work on - changing my mindset from an 'I can't' to an 'I can'.  Must do better.   I've still got a grim big toenail from where I stubbed my toe on a rock in the river. 

I spent another lovely weekend in Hanmer with Steph and Si doing little hikes in the snow with Awa the dog (my other godson), and Steph and Si were kind enough to invite me and Emily to Matai Bay hut the weekend just gone. It's a boat access only DOC hut in Malrborough Sounds, so we took Friday off work and drove up north to Havelock to meet them and hop on their fishing boat.  We did some fishing, had blue cod tacos for dinner, saw dolphins every day, did some walking, lots of talking, and life filling ten hour sleeps - it was really really lovely.

I'm off back to the UK for the whole of August. I am SO EXCITED. I can't wait to see everyone again.  It's nice to be coming home in better circumstances too - last time I was back I was heartbroken and running away pretty much. It's going to be so good to catch up with friends and family and I've got some nice weekends away planned.

Work's going really well too - it's tough at times but we're finally progressing with our project. My boss had to head back to the UK unexpectedly for a month and a bit so I was left in charge which was quite stressful at times, but it also forced me to step up - I'd got into a bad habit of defaulting to my boss on decisions and other things, but him being away made me have to step up and take responsibility which whilst terrifying was also really good for me and I feel like I've broken through a bit of a mental barrier. 

Barkely is honestly the best cat. He's so funny. The only bad thing he does is scratch the sofa and has a smelly bum - other than that he's so affectionate, adorable, funny, always announces his presence, every morning gives me a cuddle, isn't food motivated, plays loads - he's currently attacking the doormat and diving underneath it. He gives me such pleasure and I am so so so glad I decided to keep him.

Anyway that's a brief overview on the last 7 months - yikes!