year in review - 2021

This year in review is a bit different to the others, mainly because it's all about BOYS.  After a two year break (not really enforced, more circumstantial), this year was full of boys and dates and sex. I thought it might be a bit crass to write about boys, but fuck it - it's my blog, I can write what I want. Besides only mum reads it anyway (hi mum, sorry for what you're about to read).

I may do a more serious year in review at a later date, as it has been a big year - moved cities, got a new job, bought a house, made new friends, went snowboarding lots, got a cat. 

But the things that have brought me most joy, and sadness, and actually pretty much every emotion under the sun, have been boys.  I don't know why I'm built this way - why I crave the attention from them and why I am so obsessed with them. Perhaps it's 'daddy issues'.  Perhaps it's societal moulding. I don't know. All I know is I want a boyfriend, and I have tried my darned hardest this year to get one.  I failed.  

Let's take a trip down memory lane to March (I think) when I rejoined Tinder after a wee break.  

First there was the hot Irish guy.  After very brief but hard and fast banter on Tinder, we met up the next evening at Smash Palace (cue lots of jokes the next day about getting my palace smashed).  It was a great date, we had a lot of fun and it felt like I had known him for ages - I ended up back at his house on the proviso that we would see each other again.  The following day I ended up looking after his car - he had a 100k bike race he semi forgot about and was running late for so I dropped him off and took his car back to mine for safe keeping.  He came to pick it up, had dinner, stayed for games and left.  I never saw him again.  Prick.  Actually that's not true - I saw him about a month later in the cafe, the same weekend I saw three other boys I had also come across on Tinder.  Christchurch is a small place. 

Next there was Triathlon Tom.  I had previously matched with him but he was living in Wellington and moving to Christchurch in the near future. His chat was a bit dull, and I got annoyed with Tinder, so deleted it.  A few weeks later, I re-downloaded it (this has been a recurring theme). And matched with him again - I didn't realise it was the same guy as he had changed all his pictures.  He said 'hello, nice to see you again, I've moved down now, let's grab a drink'.  I liked his forthright nature so agreed to a lunch date during work hours - that way if I was horny and fancied him, I couldn't have sex with him and end up with another one night stand under my belt.  See mum - I take precautions. 

The date went surprisingly well - I was shocked to find out he was from the UK (we hadn't got that far in our tinder chat) and much better looking and talkative in real life.  I ended up telling him I was surprised at how much better he was in real life which weirdly got me another date?! Honestly these boys keep me on my toes with what they like (remember Aric and how I laughed at him as he kissed me on our first date? Maybe I just need to be more mean to boys).

I'd also been talking for a while with, let's call him, Architect.  He wasn't one but was training to be one.  We had some really good chats and I'd arranged to meet him after my second date with TT. I was upfront with TT which I was quite proud of - I don't want to mess people about and give them the wrong idea. I was fully expecting to like Architect more than TT.  Well I was wrong. He was very nice, but despite being older than TT, seemed so much younger. And looked nothing like his pictures.  I spent a pleasant day with him wandering Christchurch and looking at buildings, but he wasn't for me, much to his disappointment and TT's joy.  On my third date with TT, we had really bloody good sex.  So much so that Dan and Sam would not stop talking about it because they heard it all. Oops. We had cute dates for a while - the boardgame cafe, the Antarctica Centre, a walk in the bush, but it soon fell into a pattern of staying at each other's houses, watching a bit of TV and a good shag.  It got boring quite fast and the more time we spent with each other, the more we both realised that actually we weren't that interested in anything other than sex.  As it faded into the ether, I had struck up conversation again with another guy I'd matched with ages ago but conversation had run dry - he seemed nice enough but the chat wasn't that great.  

I was talking to Sam one day about single men and she said she had just come back from brunch with an old friend of hers called D who was single and was moaning about Tinder. Something about him rang a bell so I showed her his profile and she confirmed it was her mate. See - small world.  I rekindled the conversation out of curiosity, and one day when we were talking he invited me round his house for a cuppa.  Figuring he wasn't an axe murderer as Sam had vouched for him, I went - and it was weird but good, we had a good chat and there was a lot of sexual chemistry.  Nothing happened, but as things were fizzling out with TT, we semi became bang buddies for a while.  I felt kinda bad about essentially seeing two people at the same time, but I also felt quite cool to be honest - if blokes can do that to me, I can do it to them - D knew about TT and didn't care, TT didn't know about D but I don't think I actually saw him again after I saw D, so I didn't end up feeling too bad. Plus TT was still very active on Tinder so who knows what he was up to. 

Things with D fizzled out as fast as they started - I got busy buying a house and he got busy with work (and another girl I think) and I didn't hear from him again. 

In the meantime, I went on a date with a guy I knew I wouldn't be interested in - weirdly another D, let's call him the Meditator - for no other reason than he was obsessed with meditating and has basically dedicated his life to it.  See, I told you I wouldn't be interested in him.  But, we did have a lovely date - he was interesting enough and we both moaned about Tinder and our experiences.  Turns out he knew hot Irish guy, and my friend Ben's girlfriend.  Gotta be careful about what you say about people in Christchurch eh.  We both agreed we had nothing in common and didn't want to date, but he said he would happily be my wingman if we wanted to be mates which I thought was really bloody lovely. We swapped numbers and have met up once as friends and randomly bump into each other in the street. 

This brings us to July, where I matched with hot Irish guy number 2, and Sad Guy.  Hot Irish Guy 2 had great banter and made me literally LOL.  I really wanted to nail him down for a date but it was hard - he was extremely non committal.  In the mean time, I got talking to Sad Guy.  I didn't know he was sad at the time, but I was feeling bold and invited him on a date after a day or so of Tinder chat.  Then I couldn't be bothered to go on the actual date, and nearly cancelled, but it was at a pub round the corner so I forced myself to go.

Sad Guy spent the entire three hours talking about his ex girlfriend and how broken he was.  Red flag you say!! Yes, I know.  But weirdly I had quite a nice time.  I felt extremely sorry for him - having been there when my last relationship broke up, I was empathetic.  I could tell he was a lovely human going through a rough time and I had a motherly instinct toward him despite him being 8 years older.  Weird.  

I went home, and messaged him to say that I didn't want him to feel bad about talking about his ex the entire time, I understood, but perhaps it was best he got off Tinder because he clearly wasn't ready, and I didn't want him to do that to another girl who wasn't as understanding as I was and ended up hurting him or being mean.  He agreed but a few days later was still there.  We messaged back and forth a few times and ended up going for a walk along the beach one early Sunday morning (mainly because I wanted to hang out with his dog).  And so began quite a lovely friendship. Yes he mostly talked about how sad he was, but every now and then I could see progress and he was a really lovely human, and a handy human, and offered to help me with some DIY bits round the house.  I gratefully accepted, and he came and did a bunch of stuff. I baked him gingerbread to say thank you and cooked him dinner.  We continued to talk and it was nice having someone caring about me.  In the meantime I continued talking to hot Irish guy 2 and managed to pin him down for a date, the same day as I had a date with another guy who seemed quite intentional about dating which appealed to me.

I had a shitty week and wanted to get away from Christchurch, and told Sad Guy.  We ended up jointly deciding to go to Hanmer Springs for the day - mountain biking in the morning and going to the springs in the afternoon. On the drive up there I told him I had two dates the next day, and asked how he felt about it. We discussed that we both did quite like each other now, but he wasn't ready and didn't want to stop me dating others, but he was liking me more.  We decided to keep it casual and just see where things went.  After a fun morning biking, I decided I really fancied him and I'm pretty sure it was mutual.  We ended up kissing in the pools and had a magical afternoon - the stars came out and the lights came on and the pools were practically empty.  It was the most relaxed and content i had felt in a while.  On the way home we had some rather vulnerable talks about stuff in each other's lives and my heart opened to him a little bit.  He stayed over.  Oops. Yes, you can see that it's not going to end well eh.

The next day I had the two dates.  The first one was dull and no connection whatsoever.  I turned down the offer of a second date.  And then there was hot Irish Guy 2.  Oh boy. It was fun and he was hot. He was cool.  He kitesurfs and snowboards and reads books and plays piano and rides bikes. I wanted to see him again but I was confused about Sad Guy.  Awkward. We agreed on a second date.  Oops.

I told Sad Guy and he was cool about it all.  The second date never eventuated - hot Irish guy 2 was just as useless as hot Irish guy 1.  Thanks goodness I didn't go home with hot Irish guy 2.

Sad guy and I continued to see each other and it was lovely.  We went away for my birthday and I made him promise me one thing - I didn't want him to get me presents or treat me specially, but I did want him to refrain from talking about how sad he was and his ex girlfriend.  He said it would be hard but he would try.  He managed all of three hours until we got to Oamaru and he started pointing out places he had been with his ex. Oh dear.  He woke the next day in a deep depression. He had a freak out about us and what we were and the pressure of it all and his guilt at being down in my company on my birthday.  Reluctantly I decided to call it off.  Awkward as we had just arrived for a weekend.  We both had a little cry then decided to stay and make the most of the weekend.  That evening we got a bit tipsy and I saw a really funny, carefree side of him that made me want him even more.  We made out and drove back the next day unsure of what was happening. I think we agreed to just take things very slowly.  Lockdown got announced and he suggested we lock down together. I readily agreed.  Turns out that wasn't a great idea.  The rules meant we could both come and go to eachother's houses as part of our respective bubbles, but he didn't want me at his house despite my desperation to escape mine as he lived with his sister and wanted to escape.  It really wound me up.  He was also down a lot and didn't want to do much.  Lockdown ended, and he had another freak out and told me he just wanted to be friends.  I didn't want to lose him, so agreed.  A few weeks later, he had another freak out and I gave up.  I pretty much haven't heard from him since.  I've got his TV though, so that's a weird uncomfortable win. Is it mine? Is it on loan? Who knows. 

After that I took a wee break from dating.  It is DRAINING let me tell you.  Navigating a maze with many many dead ends.  

I've actually had a mind blank about who I have dated next.  Let me scroll through my phone. 

Oh! At some point before me and Sad Guy started seeing each other, I went on another date with another guy who was SO LOUD.  The pub was so quiet and he had this huge booming laugh that was a bit over the top and was a bit embarrassing.  I didn't see him again. Not just because of the laugh, we just didn't click. 

And then I went on a squash date with a Czech guy.  That was nice enough but again, not much in common so we texted for a bit after and it fizzled out. 

And then I went on a date with another guy. I was feeling vulnerable when we were messaging - I was drunk and painting the inside of a cupboard naked at home (the pros of being a homeowner living alone - you can do DIY naked to avoid getting paint on clothing, it's great) and he asked me out so I said yes.  He barely had any photos of him on his profile and so seeing him in real life was interesting, but I didn't fancy him and we didn't really connect either.  Well I think he thought we did, but I didn't with him, and he's a bit of a nomad which isn't really what I'm after. 

Oh and then randomly, Aric got in touch, as did D, practically within the same day.  That was a bit odd timing.  D and I are now talking again and I went for dinner at his house the other day which was nice. He wanted to rekindle the bang buddy but I said no, I would rather be actual mates with him and he agreed so invited me for dinner. It was lovely. Hopefully we will be friends as I really don't have many boy mates and I really miss male company. 

I had great banter with an Australian on Tinder and after a week or so we met up and had a great date.  He didn't look like his photos but he wasn't bad looking, and he was very funny.  We swapped numbers at the end of the date and he texted me that night.  But when I asked him if he wanted to meet up again - tumbleweed.  Fucking hell.  I don't know what's wrong with people - just man up and say 'sorry, nah'. For all I know he could have died. (He hasn't - I'm a master stalker and can see his runs on Strava, he's very much alive and kicking). 

And then I went on a date with another English guy. Turns out he has a daughter and is just looking for something casual, but he didn't tell me that until the next morning after probably some of the best sex of my entire life. So now he has got me hook line and sinker for a bang buddy thing - though that's if I can schedule to meet up with him again, child arrangements mean he isn't often free - hence not being able to do anything more serious.  

Anyway. I'm not even sure why I wrote this. I guess as I said at the start - it's been a busy year and punctuated with many boys, some good some bad.  One day I'd really like to find someone to settle down with.  I'm not sure why I haven't managed it yet - as you can see it's not through lack of trying.  I guess it's all a matter of timing and alignment of various factors - finding someone who wants the same thing, who has the same values, who wants kids, you both don't annoy each other, you both find each other funny, you both have similar sexual wants, similar levels of intelligence and life experience.  It's a lot when you think about it.  I think the older I get the harder it will be to find someone, because we're so moulded by our experiences and more set in our ways.  I dunno.  Maybe I'll get lucky. Who knows.